Calamity Jo, the Christmas Grinch, gives her top tips on how to enjoy solo Christmas without causing offence…

CHRISTMAS in La Alpujarra appears earlier these days, then gains momentum – like a neighbour stalking your boundary at 7am with imminent plans for escalation. There’s no obvious drama. No mass commercialism, no tantrums in the shopping centre, no ‘Fairy Tale of New York’ blaring on the radio. Just chimneys smoking, ‘jamon serrano’ , glasses of ‘anis‘, Christmas lights, parties in the ‘carpa municipal’, and businesses winding down just when you need a vital car part. Maybe you’ve seen it all before and fancy a solo Christmas this year?

After all, some elements can be repetivive. Spanish TV station, Canal Sur , is running the same jingle as for the last decade. They are very proud of their earworm. This is enough to make you run out of other people’s homes!

By ‘Noche Buena‘ (Christmas Eve), you might be expected to participate.

This year, the weather for ‘Noche Buena’ and Chistmas Day sides with anyone wanting to be ‘tranquilo’ at home. Rain is forecast, snow exists at higher (and possibly lower) altitudes, and the pervading cold warrants serious clothing. Thermal undergarments, puffer jackets and waterproof, fur-lined boots are your friends.

If you do venture outside, you have the perfect excuse to run back to the woodburning stove. Rain, cold, and puddles!

Bars, frivolity, and neighbour danger

Christmas bar visits in rural Granada follow a set pattern. Some local men begin any celebration with ‘sol y sombras‘ (brandy mixed with anis) and beers from breakfast-time onwards. Lunchtime brings wine. By dusk, whisky ‘cubatas’ appear. By night, sticks emerge.

These sticks will be banged enthusiastically on floors, tables, walls, and occasionally waved at you. Keep your dog close. Do not let him wander near those sticks.

Municipal fiestas amplify the unpredictable and sometimes manic energy. Órgiva, Lanjarón, and most larger ‘pueblos’ host large public events in their plazas or sports pavilions. These take place on Noche Buena’, ‘Noche Vieja’‘, The Three Kings, and various other nights, generally involving DJs and people of all ages – including your neighbours. The entertainment starts and 1am and might end at 6am. Everyone knows everyone. Everyone remembers everything. Except you!

‘Noche Buena’ also has its own rhythm. Around 4pm, villages empty completely. Families retreat indoors. Streets fall silent. This isn’t a community failure – it’s your cue to stay home. Do you need to venture out at 1am and misbehave in a tent?

‘Noche Vieja’ is more dangerous. Dowing grapes at midnight will be encouraged – this could pose a choking risk if you over-imbibe first! Someone will insist that you drink “just one more” at their ‘Casa Mama’ . OR you’ll only be given one drink all night, because you’re female. The chance to make a fool of yourself in front of someone’s relatives is multi-faceted.

There are several good excuses for heading to bed with Fido and ‘Flix. Starting Dry January before ‘Noche Buena‘ is increasingly respectable. Saying you’re on antibiotics is fool-proof. There’s also the practical matter of the drink-drive ‘multa‘, which is an excellent reason not to leave your village. If all else fails, the prevalence of “super flu” (i.e. normal influenza) is an excuse beyond debate. Perhaps make a brief appearance in a face mask? There will be zero invitations afterwards!

Festive escapes for solo Christmas

Daytime is your ally. Low-altitude walks near home — river paths, olive groves, edge-of-village routes. Enough movement to justify those new hiking boots from Decathlon – without slipping into a muddy ‘barranco’ and risking your ankle, or your life.

Villages look good in daylight, especially when there are moody clouds hovering. Christmas decorations, chimneys smoking, a sense of calm before evening comes. Dogs appreciate this version of Christmas.

Granada remains an option if handled carefully. Go early. Walk around the Albaicín before lunch. Enjoy winter light falling on to old stone. Leave before you encounter anyone who suggests “just one drink” when you have your car with you. Be careful of the low emission zone (ZBE) – you don’t want a ‘multa‘.

The Costa Tropical also works for a day trip. A winter beach walk, a coffee sipped beachside, a nice meal. Salobreña, La Rábita, Castell de Ferro – all ideas within an hour’s drive. Eat something tasty. Take in the view. Then leave.

A winter photography walk on the Sierra de Contraviesa, the foresty road above Capileira, or above the Sierra Nevada ski resort can provide solo fun. Fido will love it too. Take the puffer jacket and your gloves.

Avoid fatal attractions

Yes, there’s a cave at Sortes near Soportujar (also worth a visit). No, it’s not a Christmas refuge. It’s small and has been used as a toilet by motorists. This isn’t the best place for your photography tour!

Equally the enticing ruin between Órgiva and the Rules dam has eye-catching graffiti art but is full of fleas.

Another fatal idea is to visit the popular Alpujarran white villages at peak times – such as public holidays. It’s not fun when you can’t park, order a ‘refresco’, or reach the toilet. Maybe that explains Sortes cave…

Mountain ‘refugios’ – high in the sierra – might look ‘romantic’ on social media and web pages. Really, they are for seasoned hikers with full winter experience, proper kit, and well-honed judgement. Snow, ice, early dusk, and sudden changes to weather are risks to avoid. If you fancy an outdoor activity, employ a professional guide. Or head to the Sierra Nevada ski resort where you can book snowboard lessons. Don’t forget the snow chains for your car.

Hiding is the new party spirit

Staying home is no longer antisocial. It’s strategic for those identifying as solo. Save a small fortune (and your liver). Cook whatever you like. It doesn’t have to be turkey! Light the wood burner. Walk the dog before the madness starts (i.e. before midnight). Think of all the arguments and hangovers you will miss. Also, how many calories you’re not consuming.

Puppies are NOT for Christmas but – if you already have one – they’re the perfect excuse. “I have to look after him” ends debates about heading to the next village for a party, without offence. Puppy care outranks fiestas or unwanted invitations to someone’s ;casa’. Such as the neighbour who feels sorry for you, that you’ve been avoiding all year.

With sensible clothing, careful timing, logs, and a domestic pet, solo Navidad is a treat. You can enjoy the low-key elements without making yourself look like the ‘mad guiri’ falling over in a ‘carpa’.

Or, like some people, you can head to Cordoba – or Germany! That works!